Wedding stresses and dresses

It's now officially less than six months to D (or W) day, and yes, I am getting very stressed about the whole thing. We are having a 'small' day. In theory I was imagining around 20 guests. We are now up to 42...the registry office seats 40. I am spending some time each day hoping that maybe some of our guests will have a holiday or another, more important wedding to go to. I hate the idea of being the centre of attention, I would like it to be just me and D and some random witnesses or just witnesses who mean lots to us. I would also be happy to go away and do the deed-I have done the whole wedding thing before, however, D hasn't, his mum has never seen him do this and I couldn't take that away from her-or him.

So, where are we up to? 42-ish guests, all pretty much D's family, many of which are now friends of mine. We are having a registry office wedding and then our friends will be joining us back at the house for champagne, probably some cocktails and food.

A nice simple day, so what on earth am I stressing about? Well, there's the cake...I REALLY and I mean REALLY, REALLY would like a naked wedding cake, if you don't know what I mean look here: Naked cake
I really don't like the whole fruit cake, marzipan etc. so this seems like an ideal choice. It also seemed fairly obvious that it would be easy to make...except I don't really bake, but as a number of people have said, it's only a Victoria sponge, multiplied by several. I was up for doing this til I read last night that it would need to be assembled on the day. When I told D this he put his foot down and said no. No I am not allowed to make the cake-he knows how stressed I get over stuff and this (probably correctly) would be a step too far on the morning of the wedding. I a looking at other options, including an iced cake :0( we could buy different tiers, with different fillings, still iced though..hmm.

We are now in the process of buying 'stuff' for the wedding. We are also having a 'sweet bar' as an addition to the buffet, just as abit of fun..like the 'cheese-cake' we are also having. Cheesey!
This is a particular treat for D-he's abit of a cheese monster on the not-so quiet!

So...my main stresses are-getting food ready for the 'not so big' day. Sorting a cake, we have agreed to bite the bullet and buy a ready made cheese cake-it will be slightly dearer but not enough to make it a ridiculous spend. Getting decorations ready-I've bought the tissue paper and am going to have a go at making some Pom-poms...Oooh, did I mention the photo-booth?

(not so) happy Friday-emotional baggage discussed here, please move along..

I was planning on joining in with the whole happy Friday thing starting from this week honestly, I was! Except this last couple of days have been not so happy until it kind of got unbearable last night. I heard D come to bed, and I couldn't get back to sleep so I got up (it was about 2.20 am). I decided not to go and get in the spare bed so I came downstairs and put the TV on. I made myself a coffee and got a piece of (stale) cake. I just got sat down when I heard a noise, it was Cleo cat on the other side of the door. "Aw..." I thought, she's come to keep me company, bless her. I opened the door and she shot in and climbed straight on top of the TV recorder thing...hmm. I started watching something on TV, then another, and another until I looked at the time and it was nearly 6 am so I climbed back upstairs and got in the spare bed. I was woken by D at just after 10.15. He had thought he'd heard the TV on when he'd been up going to the loo during the night but had thought it wise to leave me alone.

This is where it gets to the unhappy bit...

Something I haven't shared here is that I am seeing a counsellor, working on my 'stuff'. It's been a long time coming and now the time is finally right, I am ready. But it has also got to a point where I am at the feeling worse before I get better bit. And it's shit-sorry if anyone's offended by that but it truly is. I get to sit in a small room with someone who's not much better than a complete stranger and talk to him about every nasty horrible thing that's happened. Some of them so nasty and horrible I couldn't even say them out loud last week, I had to write them down. Then I get to go home and feel terrible all on my own-last week even more so because D was working away for 6 days. So last weekend past in a haze of misery, tears and bacon buttys. I went out looking at wedding dresses but couldn't enjoy it as I was on my own, and also I just know I'm going to struggle to find one I like.

I have been to see my counsellor again, this week there were tears during the appointment when I told him I don't feel loved, or cared for. And today I have managed to tell D exactly that. It can't be easy hearing the person you love, say that they don't feel loved by you but he took it. And when I'd finished he told me just how much he loved me.
I'm still feeling numb, and on my own....but I'm trying to hold onto the fact that just because I feel it, doesn't make it so.

It's finished.....well...

Well, when I said finished, it IS finished apart from 2 sides of the first border and 4 sides of the second...and all the ends sewing in. However, the first border will take approximately an hour to finish the second will take a couple and I am gradually doing the sewing in. We do not have any guests booked in at present so I am happy to take this at a nice and easy pace! As long as its done in the next week I'm happy!


In other news, we have set the wedding date...its in a few months...this summer..just need the divorce to come through now..bugger!

Singing cat

I'm fairly sure I have mentioned before that our beautiful boy Slinky likes the odd song, usually at night but more recently just whenever the fancy takes him. The fancy usually takes him several times a day now and as long as he can't see you off he goes. When I say 'as long as he cant see you I really do mean this, he will go and look at a wall and sing, as soon as you make any noise he will stop and 'mew' instead. At first D thought it was some sort of separation anxiety but he now does is when we are less than 3 feet from him so it seems less likely!








Anyway, at weekend we called at a local antiques centre and while I was looking in a cabinet I spotted this:

A cat teapot, but not any old cat, a singing cat....more importantly, it even has the same face the Slinx 'does', he also puts out the bottom of his jaw, pushing at far forward as he can before he gives it what we call 'the whole Whitney'. I can honestly say that if this wasn't £78 I would have been bringing it straight home with me. A friend suggested I should have tried to knock the dealer down but to be honest unless they were prepared to drop to single figures its very unlikely I would have been in a position to put my hands in my very long pockets sadly. Next time we call in at the centre I will be looking to see if it's still there and if there's any decrease in the price!

Blanket....quite a big one!

Getting ready to block

I think I mentioned in my previous post that I was in the middle of making a large blanket-if I didn't I am. I started it in November I think, (it was after I'd finished D's mums Christmas cushion because I remember thinking how I'd swapped one project with lots of squares for another!) I remember saying I wanted something 'big' to keep me going. I think by that I meant to make myself feel productive and also to focus my mind. At first I was really productive, making lots of the little squares at a time, sometimes I'd do a large amount of the Middle circles maybe 20ish, then I'd do the next couple of rows on the 20 and then start again and the next couple of rows-I hope that makes sense. At other times I'd just do the squares from start to finish. I know I ddn't work out how many little squares I'd need until I was quite a way in.

Then December came and I found myself feeling really down for various reasons: the weather, lack of light, money worries for Christmas... It's really quite a long list to be honest. in my mind I was going to spend quite a long time over the Christmas break with this blanket, in reality when December 28th came around I had to really force myself. I remember thinking that I may not enjoy it but I was going to bloody well do it! Not the best motivation really but as the days went on I came to like it a little, then a little more and now I'm really looking forward to finishing it-not to get rid of it but to see it in place.

Cleo 'helping'

It will be going on the bed in the spare room-it still makes me happy that we have an actual 'spare bedroom' by that I mean one that's set up as a bedroom and is available for use at any time. Before we moved we had a tiny spare bedroom which D also used as his office/study/studio but in our new home he has all these things in a big attic room just for him, lucky boy!
Anyway, I had been hoping to get the three first rows finished by last night-a tad ambitious, but I have got rows 1 and 2 done and am 2 squares into row 3. The squares are all done-but they need some of their edges doing-they have three rows around the edge, I have been blocking them when I've done the first row and then doing the next two and attaching them.

One of the things i really love about making blankets is that once you get past a certain size, they warm you up and keep you cosy while you are still making them!

Hoping you and yours are all well x

And a Happy New Year!

Hi- I am of course aware that I haven't been here, lets both pretend that I have been here as regular as clockwork..and move on, thank you very kindly! If I am honest I started to really struggle before Christmas which became really clear when I couldn't even be bothered to pick up a crochet hook or a ball of wool, everything and I mean everything became too much of an effort. To the extent that once D had gone to work I would go back to bed and easily sleep for another 3-4 hours. However, I feel slightly better most days and I have taken up the hook again-I am nearly finished on quite a big project-I will take some pics this afternoon..I promise!

And what have you been up to I hear you say..well, wellity, wellity, well...we had Christmas, D's mum loved her cushion (in Delft colours) or she made noises like she did, who knows.
We have both been ill, various flu and non-flu type viruses (virusi?) but we have come out of the other side now thankfully. D has also gone back to work now, he gets three works off for the Christmas break but a fair amount of that is used up by working from home-so not really 'off' for three weeks.

For around a week now we have been getting snow, the top photo was (i think) about 3 days ago. We live on quite a steep hill which isn't that clear from that picture but what is clear is that you cant really see anything into the distance-normally we can see rolling fields, trees in the distance, windmills turning...and you know what..I love it! I haven't been out in days but I do love it! The chickens however, not so keen and I cant say I blame them, the floor is nasty, wet and cold, the ramp to their house is cold and icy, they just keep sitting in their eglu peeping out.

These are the steps up to our garden, the bushes are laden with heavy snow-yesterday snowed non stop until about 5pm. Getting up these steps didn't feel too tricky, there is ice under the snow but it feels 'OK'. However, having to bend myself almost double to get under the branches while wearing my pj's, dressing gown, thick socks and walking boots wasn't the most fun so far in 2015!

And this is the view coming down:

That does look a little tricky I admit but it was fine, even the wobbly step!

Have you got snow, or are you in the middle of summer right now?

Take care x

Trying a little something

hellooo
I have been a little quiet I know-could be so quiet around here that I'm the only one reading this anyway...which is fine.
Been having a bit of a rubbish time of late, family stuff, ill relatives, failings out and me feeling very low just some of the issues. I do really try not to feel down or low but it's not always that simple is it? I'm finding I am sleeping a huge amount at the moment, always a 'sign' I find. I kind of think if at least I am able to be aware of my moods then that must be a positive thing surely?
Anyway, enough of that. Since we have moved we have pretty much lived a quiet life but in the last five weeks we have three sets of weekend visitors which has been great, we eased ourselves in with just two people, a friend of D's from school and his partner. We had a nice sociable afternoon and evening which led into a very late night and a huge amount of washing up the next day after a yummy cooked breakfast but to be honest I even enjoyed that part too! Two weekends later we had a crowd descend on us, three of D's cousins, their partners and a teenage child...again a hugely late night including cocktails and lots of chat. Next morning, even more washing up but not a cooked breakfast. Two days later we got a dishwashers-the one that is integral to the kitchen has never worked-unlike the oven that managed to work for three days after the move! Did you know that if someone sells you integral appliances in a house you buy there's no pressure on them to either make sure the items work or that they tell you if they don't...very annoying...
Anyway, onto the last visitors we had some friends stay this weekend and again a good time had by all (I hope) as were cocktails again, sadly we are now out of tequila :0(


So, that leads to the little something I have been trying out. I have been looking for a crochet pattern for a heart for quite a while, a 3D one not a flat one and last night I found one here:

http://justpootling.blogspot.co.uk/2014/10/i-hearts.html#comment-form

I went to bed last night thinking of these very sweet hearts and as soon as D went to work I got going. Mine is obviously nowhere near as good as the lovely ones on the blog but then it is my first! I'm planning to make many more though I have to say! Yet again I am having trouble posting photos but if D can help when he gets in I'll pop it on later

Be well all x