Thursday, 26 February 2015

Wedding stresses and dresses

It's now officially less than six months to D (or W) day, and yes, I am getting very stressed about the whole thing. We are having a 'small' day. In theory I was imagining around 20 guests. We are now up to 42...the registry office seats 40. I am spending some time each day hoping that maybe some of our guests will have a holiday or another, more important wedding to go to. I hate the idea of being the centre of attention, I would like it to be just me and D and some random witnesses or just witnesses who mean lots to us. I would also be happy to go away and do the deed-I have done the whole wedding thing before, however, D hasn't, his mum has never seen him do this and I couldn't take that away from her-or him.

So, where are we up to? 42-ish guests, all pretty much D's family, many of which are now friends of mine. We are having a registry office wedding and then our friends will be joining us back at the house for champagne, probably some cocktails and food.

A nice simple day, so what on earth am I stressing about? Well, there's the cake...I REALLY and I mean REALLY, REALLY would like a naked wedding cake, if you don't know what I mean look here: Naked cake
I really don't like the whole fruit cake, marzipan etc. so this seems like an ideal choice. It also seemed fairly obvious that it would be easy to make...except I don't really bake, but as a number of people have said, it's only a Victoria sponge, multiplied by several. I was up for doing this til I read last night that it would need to be assembled on the day. When I told D this he put his foot down and said no. No I am not allowed to make the cake-he knows how stressed I get over stuff and this (probably correctly) would be a step too far on the morning of the wedding. I a looking at other options, including an iced cake :0( we could buy different tiers, with different fillings, still iced though..hmm.

We are now in the process of buying 'stuff' for the wedding. We are also having a 'sweet bar' as an addition to the buffet, just as abit of the 'cheese-cake' we are also having. Cheesey!
This is a particular treat for D-he's abit of a cheese monster on the not-so quiet! main stresses are-getting food ready for the 'not so big' day. Sorting a cake, we have agreed to bite the bullet and buy a ready made cheese cake-it will be slightly dearer but not enough to make it a ridiculous spend. Getting decorations ready-I've bought the tissue paper and am going to have a go at making some Pom-poms...Oooh, did I mention the photo-booth?

Friday, 13 February 2015

(not so) happy Friday-emotional baggage discussed here, please move along..

I was planning on joining in with the whole happy Friday thing starting from this week honestly, I was! Except this last couple of days have been not so happy until it kind of got unbearable last night. I heard D come to bed, and I couldn't get back to sleep so I got up (it was about 2.20 am). I decided not to go and get in the spare bed so I came downstairs and put the TV on. I made myself a coffee and got a piece of (stale) cake. I just got sat down when I heard a noise, it was Cleo cat on the other side of the door. "Aw..." I thought, she's come to keep me company, bless her. I opened the door and she shot in and climbed straight on top of the TV recorder thing...hmm. I started watching something on TV, then another, and another until I looked at the time and it was nearly 6 am so I climbed back upstairs and got in the spare bed. I was woken by D at just after 10.15. He had thought he'd heard the TV on when he'd been up going to the loo during the night but had thought it wise to leave me alone.

This is where it gets to the unhappy bit...

Something I haven't shared here is that I am seeing a counsellor, working on my 'stuff'. It's been a long time coming and now the time is finally right, I am ready. But it has also got to a point where I am at the feeling worse before I get better bit. And it's shit-sorry if anyone's offended by that but it truly is. I get to sit in a small room with someone who's not much better than a complete stranger and talk to him about every nasty horrible thing that's happened. Some of them so nasty and horrible I couldn't even say them out loud last week, I had to write them down. Then I get to go home and feel terrible all on my own-last week even more so because D was working away for 6 days. So last weekend past in a haze of misery, tears and bacon buttys. I went out looking at wedding dresses but couldn't enjoy it as I was on my own, and also I just know I'm going to struggle to find one I like.

I have been to see my counsellor again, this week there were tears during the appointment when I told him I don't feel loved, or cared for. And today I have managed to tell D exactly that. It can't be easy hearing the person you love, say that they don't feel loved by you but he took it. And when I'd finished he told me just how much he loved me.
I'm still feeling numb, and on my own....but I'm trying to hold onto the fact that just because I feel it, doesn't make it so.

Sunday, 8 February 2015

It's finished.....well...

Well, when I said finished, it IS finished apart from 2 sides of the first border and 4 sides of the second...and all the ends sewing in. However, the first border will take approximately an hour to finish the second will take a couple and I am gradually doing the sewing in. We do not have any guests booked in at present so I am happy to take this at a nice and easy pace! As long as its done in the next week I'm happy!

In other news, we have set the wedding date...its in a few months...this summer..just need the divorce to come through now..bugger!

Tuesday, 3 February 2015

Singing cat

I'm fairly sure I have mentioned before that our beautiful boy Slinky likes the odd song, usually at night but more recently just whenever the fancy takes him. The fancy usually takes him several times a day now and as long as he can't see you off he goes. When I say 'as long as he cant see you I really do mean this, he will go and look at a wall and sing, as soon as you make any noise he will stop and 'mew' instead. At first D thought it was some sort of separation anxiety but he now does is when we are less than 3 feet from him so it seems less likely!

Anyway, at weekend we called at a local antiques centre and while I was looking in a cabinet I spotted this:

A cat teapot, but not any old cat, a singing cat....more importantly, it even has the same face the Slinx 'does', he also puts out the bottom of his jaw, pushing at far forward as he can before he gives it what we call 'the whole Whitney'. I can honestly say that if this wasn't £78 I would have been bringing it straight home with me. A friend suggested I should have tried to knock the dealer down but to be honest unless they were prepared to drop to single figures its very unlikely I would have been in a position to put my hands in my very long pockets sadly. Next time we call in at the centre I will be looking to see if it's still there and if there's any decrease in the price!