Saturday, 19 July 2014

Feeling sad

I want to apologise before I start this blog, it may be a little graphic, or may bring up feelings that are difficult so if you have had experience of miscarriage feel free to leave now.

In my last blog, I mentioned my daughter was pregnant. No longer. She went with her partner for the 12 week scan and were told there was no baby. As simple as that, no baby. She had to go to the hospital the next day to take some tablets to finish off the job. So, she went home, both of them distraught, she searched and searched the internet for reasons, then for miracles. She thought she'd found one but it was not to be.
A few days later, my daughter and her partner took themselves to the hospital for some medication that would expel the remains of her baby. I was called to the hospital, she was being so brave and refusing all pain relief and now she was in such pain. Her partner was desperate, "what can I do?" He asked her when nothing seemed to help. "Get my mum". So, that's what he did. I got to sit alongside her, I managed to get her to accept strong painkillers, convinced her being brave wasn't what she needed now.
Being brave is what she needs now.

I'm sorry if this upsets anyone, I decided when I started this blog it wouldn't be anything personal. It would be happy things after a particularly horrible time. This was meant to be a way of me celebrating my achievements, my makes, my happy things. But this is just too big a thing to ignore. I can't get my yarn out and concentrate, I can't take happy photos, because this feels like a horrible all encompassing time.
I haven't been a regular poster especially with our house move and internet issues, I'm not sure where to go with this now.


  1. Hi Cleo, I just found your blog via a comment you left on 'A Little bIt country', one of my very favourite blogs. Sounds like your daughter and her partner have had a very tough time and I just wanted to express my sympathy. Miscarriage is so common, yet not really talked about very much. I have had the experience myself, though earlier, at 7-8 weeks, and 15 years and two healthy boys later I still sometimes think of that wee soul. I understand what you mean about not intending your blog to be personal, then all of a sudden finding that it is personal. I think blogging is a bit like that, especially if you are an honest person with integrity. I do hope your daughter is starting to recover now. I have enjoyed reading through some posts, it sounds like you are in a period of big change just now. I look forward to visiting you again. Best wishes. Penny

  2. Thankyou for your lovely comments, it is indeed common K's doctor told us that 1 in 5 pregnancies ends in a miscarriage so hopefully we will find ourself on that road again soon. I have also had experience of miscarriages (two inbetween my son and daughter) so I can empathise and hopefully help her but ultimately theres only one thing that will help.
    This blog was set up as a completely seperate thing to the 'real' me-I had a hard time and ended up giving up work and wanted somewhere that was free of all the negativity, but rather than it being because I am such an honest person (I am I hope) but it was just that events were too big and took over every moment, for me as well as K & C.
    Anyway, I better get back to my crochet or I'll have nothing to post about next week! lol
    Juliet x (Cleo Bonbon)