A few hours ago I found out that someone I knew-not a good friend or family member has died. It was a terrible shock, she was a mum of young children, she herself was young and as far as I knew she had not shown signs of being unwell. The thing is she wasnt unwell it seems she became a victim of domestic abuse. I will not go into details-they do not count. What does count is the number of (mainly-but not solely) women who are assaulted-or worse by the person who professes to love them. Yet again, I am breaking the promise to myself to keep this blog 'light & positive'. I am going to admit hear that I have been a victim of domestic abuse-not D, never D. In the years before D, the father of my children told me he loved me, he would cuddle me in bed, kiss me goodnight. He would also tell me how I should 'get rid of' our 6 day old son because I was feeling weepy & down. He would tell me how I wasn't 'quite right in the head' because I saw a counsellor for a while. He would call me fat & tell me how sexy other women were. All things that are probably quite minor. He also made me have sex with him in return for money or for clothes. If I refused he would be angry and have terrible moods. One day, he took it further and told me that night he was going to assault me or 'batter me up & down the house'. And all this time I did nothing. He didnt do anything that night but about a year or so later he did and still I didn't leave. It took years for me to leave. It isn't easy and if you haven't been through it I don't think you can fully understand it.
Eventually I left, it's years now and there have been many flashbacks and scary times. I upset D because he knows that after all this time deep down I still think that one day he will show his true self, I love him more that I could have ever imagined and trust him as much as I could trust anyone.
If you are suffering, please get help, start here:
www.womensaid.org.uk/
Life with mad cats & silly chickens, a bit of cooking & probably some wooly stuff!
I found your blog via Creative Chaos and A little bit country, so sorry you lost a friend so young that is horrible, I can never trust for the same reason, although my husband is a good man and always has been, the 'adults' before however..... Glad you did leave and are able to have a for filled and happy life now. I am a new follower ;)
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for taking the time to reply. I did this post a couple of days after finding out about R, and I was just looking for a much needed outlet. I was worried I had upset people by being blunt but thought it needed to stay-even if one person read it & it helped them cope...even if no-one did but it was there 'just in case'. Thanks x
DeleteLike Izzybeads I have come to you viaz Creative Chaos. How brave you were to get up the courage to leave your abusive partner - it is not a situation I have been in, thank God, but I can imagine that it must be a terrible place to be, especially if the paetner is a sort of Jekyll-and-Hyde character, sometimes nice, sometimes vile. I offer my prayers for your friend's family and for yourself as you remember times past. God bless.
ReplyDeleteThank you, for also replying. I don't and didn't feel brave. I had a good friend who wouldn't let me go back when she heard about events the day before. It was a horrible scary time, but it's in the past, at times things come back to remind you but then hopefully you get on with it. I find blogging helps at times, even if it's just chatty stuff about the cats or makes I am working on, thanks for the comment (fab name by the way!) x
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